My season of recovery from my neck surgery gave me time for introspection and a deep dive into what God needs to change in me. This is my daily prayer for myself.
That I will truly experience God as a good, good father.
That I will not hate my body or it’s desires. But instead give thanks to God for the way I am created and all that entails. His design of me was intentional and good.
That I will be able to really trust God and others. Life events have made that an ongoing struggle.
That I will really believe that God will never love me anymore or any less than he did when he created me. So I don’t need to perform to be accepted and loved.
That I will be able to show loving kindness, that would be deeply felt in the heart, undeserved, unexpected and gratefully received by myself to my current and younger self.
That I will understand that God is not disappointed in me, but disappointed for me.
It is human nature that we find it easier to pray for others than ourselves. When we pray for ourselves we are face to face with our own frailities. We do not want to get our hopes up and be disappointed if God does not answer the way we want him too.
But how can we truly pray with intensity and faith for others if we have not experienced it for ourselves?
For a moment, just pretend that God was listening to your heart’s hurts and desires. There was no judgement. No recriminations. Just acceptance. What would you ask him to change? What would your prayer for yourself be?